Day 14...I am back

I am going to be a blog writing fool. I woke this morning, after not having written something of substance for five days, I felt out of it. I felt disconnected. I guess part of the journey is recognizing that you needed to be on the journey in the first place. I could easily have aborted this mission......

stopped

continued on in the monotonous robotic way I spoke about in my first post.

i will not allow that to happen

if you do not mind I am going to catch up on posts as if this is Day13, though it should be Day 18 or so.....I have so much more to say and losing five days because of a GHETTO MOTEL with no Internet access doesn't seem fair.

It is amazing how quick the "fight" left me

If I woke up this morning feeling fine I might not be writing this.

I am not in a 12 step program......but the concept of one day at a time (which clearly worked for newly thin Valerie Bertinelli - Eddie is regretting their split, She is a HOTTIE!) is so ridiculously simple, and yet so complex. How do you get up each day in the midst of a few day lapse, and reinpsire yourself?

I don't know the answer, I just thank God that I have found a way, TODAY, to do just that.

Five days have gone by, the big picture fatalist in me wants to say, SCREW IT.

You are done.

You failed.

You failed any reader who was enjoying your writing

You failed yourself for not continuing to write when work was swallowing you whole.

I was riding with a colleague on the way to a client meeting. I was sad.....I couldn't figure it out.

Why did I feel so out of touch?

Why did I just want to crawl into my bed and cry my eyes out?

I have felt that way all day.

I am at my desk.

Writing this.

And yes, I am wasting company time. But I am feeling a load being lifted off of my shoulders. I refuse to be a passive participant in my life. I refuse to lay down and become so inundated with work that I lose MYSELF.

I may be in this corporate world.

But I am a dancer

I am a writer

And I cannot lose these things.

For it is in KNOWING that these qualities exist within me, that I can continue to be a cog in the corporate wheel.

The click clack keyboarding

The tip tap typing

The wiggety whack writing - those who know Kris Kross can enjoy that obscure reference

work to make me whole again.

Venn diagram becoming one.

Just by stating this fact. By admitting that maybe ALL ALONG all I needed to be doing to avoid previous apathy was to WRITE about it.

I feel better.

Not perfect

Not inspired as I have a horribly busy month ahead of me

But I feel confident that I am not going to retreat into drinking, eating, sleeping to feel better.

I am going to write.

I am going to fulfill the duty bestowed on me by my dear friend. And I am going to fulfill the duty to myself to see where I can be at the end.

And most importantly,

I am going to find someone who feels as if they can continue journey moving forward. The greatest reward will be in seeing how she travels................who will she be?

I have so much I want to say. Syllables spilling sloppily onto the page. Alas, I must earn my keep In cubicle land. Must keep away the Lumbergs of the world.

I can't wait to write later.

I am excited

I am BACK BABY!!!!!!!!!!



Hope and love,

Soul Dancer