Day 12...The Boy that Would Be King

On July 27th 2005 I fell in love in a way I never knew existed.


I received a phone call. 7 am. Sleep in my eyes, strolling towards the shower. I groggily answer hello.

"Hello Aunt Dana!"

"What??? Who the hell is this?"

"HELLO AUNT DANA"

"Daddddd.............."

"Yes Aunt Dana. Kyle was born."



How can it be possible for in one instant your heart to expand infinitely. To know without even meeting someone that you love them. To know you would do anything for them. To know that they could do no wrong in your eyes.

That is the way I felt when I met Kyle.


Falling

Spiraling


in love with a baby whom I never met.


And then I saw this boy with full lips, and dimples................oh those dimples.



I was a bull in a china shop. Afraid to touch. So were his parents. Often they said at the end of the day that it was one more day the kept Kyle alive.


Now he is infused with a spirit so strong, so wild and volatile, that we are lucky if he doesn't leave us on the ground writhing with fatigue.

I have loved men. I love my family. This is different.

Wordsworth says,


"Child is the father of man."


He is right.


How is it that they remain, in the early years of life, when everything is SO NEW...........so fearless. Fear is learned. I am so scared of so many things. We don't trust. Kyle knows who loves him and he demands a lot from them. He should. He knows that we will never stop. Never cease to be there for him.

I can't wait to see him change and become a boy whom hates girls. The cooties. And then become a teen who likes girls, or maybe boys (who cares!).


What will he be?


Whom will he become?

How will we part of each other's lives?

The funny thing is.................I ask the same of myself.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

DO I want to write?


Do I want to expand my mind.

When does it end?
Why does it have to?

These thoughts are never present in Kyle's mind. He is in the present. We can't utter a hint of the word Pizza. We simply cannot as he will scream and yell.................until that pizza gets in his tummy. He is flying by the seat of his pants.


Doesn't care if he falls.
Doesn't care if he slips.
Doesn't fear.


There is no end in sight just this long wonderful day filled with things and people he loves. Learning and expressing himself constantly.


Kyle is the father of Dana


I am always so nervous about where I will end up. What am I going to do? How do I control this? How do I control that? It is tiring. It is pointless.

How silly am I to assume that I am ever going to be satisfied with what i have.


I think that is a major dividing point amongst people.

People who strive and people who accept. I don't accept. And a lot of times it sucks BC the lack of acceptance is a mirror reflecting inward placing blame on myself. I am never going to get to that pot of gold. And if I got there, I would be wishing it were something else.

Kyle doesn't care about the pot of gold, while he screams his happy little face off sliding down the bright colors......on a towel because it increases speed.


Kyle is the father of Dana and he is my king. My hero.....BB Jabs.




Hope and Love,
Soul Dancer