I have been having some trouble breathing. Every once in a while I get this sharp pain in the middle of my back when I inhale. It has happened to me for years, but of late it has happened more frequently.
Finding a doctor in Washington DC who practices internal medicine, and is WILLING to take on new patients is like finding the literal needle in the haystack.
Yesterday, after MANY phone calls to rude receptionists who practically hang up but instead bark back that they are at capacity, I found a doctor RIGHT around the corner from my office. And they had an opening today for 3:30.
I awoke this morning in MAJOR pain. Not any of this pain was with my breathing, or lungs (which was my diagnosis - convinced of lung cancer as I was a smoker of 15 years........WAS). I felt as if a chef at Benihana had come into my studio apt and sliced and diced every one of my ab muscles, as well as my lower back muscles.
WHY?
I went to the gym yesterday.
TWICE.
I stated on Monday that my mother agreed to pay for a trainer.
She lied.
well.............I am exaggerating
The gym I go to charges $70 an hour.....IF you pay for 36 sessions in advance.
Rightfully so, my mom quickly reneged the offer!
But like a good little Jew, I did manage to squeeze a Target trip for gym clothes, as well as a Sports Authority trip for those new CEMENT bras.....one DOESN'T want to sag....
But I was not going to let motivation lay to waste.
I would not have a trainer.
I WILL go to the gym.
During lunch, I walked to the gym with a work friend of mine to do some cardio. Strategically I placed myself behind him for two reasons:
1. I did not want him to see me.....I don't wear leopard leotards, but still this is Day one of a 30 pound, or rather 3-4 size decrease quest!
2. he has a ROCKING body and I was hoping he would at LEAST be wearing a sleeveless shirt while running. HE WAS! Thank you for the eye candy!!!!
I just did a small amount of working out and then headed back to work.
I then went to Pilates at 8:15. Pilates is a lot like floor work in modern dance. Very focused on "core work" - abs, back. Basically our centers become the inspiration for movement out through to the limbs.
I was a dancer.
I am a dancer still.
But an out of shape one.
The problem is, once my body is slightly warm, it tends to think it is back to its undergrad size 4 flexibility and strength.
It isn't.
Not by a long shot.
So here I am stretching....leg to head. belly over to knees.......which is EASIER when a bit heavier, less to go!
Feet stretched
Belly button to spine
Arms extended
Working as if I was once again a sophomore on winter break at the Martha Graham intensive
It felt good for the second half.
The first half was spent in a pity party hosted by me for me.
Luckily movement, arts, music can lift the soul even when our basest selves are trying to suck the life out of it.
I left my own party and joined the living.
I left the class exhilarated.
I woke up in pain.
But I digress.........
It is of course, good ol' Murphy's law that on the day of my visit to the doctor, I didn't feel the "lung pain" at all.
I went to my appt and LOVED the receptionists. Three wonderful men chatting me up.
Here's the thing
This isn't a regular doctor
OH NO
he also specializes in infectious diseases and hematology
AND................
he does BOTOX
yes I said BOTOX
now call me vain- but these "11" lines on my forehead, not so pretty.
It is certainly not something that I will do anytime soon, but one always feels better with a certified Botoxologist around the corner from work. My mother immediately asked, "How much?" Didn't say that it wasn't necessary (she makes me laugh so much, I love her!).
Then the doctor called me in
DEAR GOD is he CUTE......
I walk into this room
my jaws dropped open
he saw my response as I eyeballed about 15 stuffed Mickey and Minnie mice in the corner, 101 Dalmatians poster autographed by Cruella herself, and a plethora of other images from what I believe to be one of the biggest scam companies of the world. I love their movies, but where is the GOD DAMNED vault that the films go into after they are released for two week clips, sending children into frenzied panic attacks.
He says to me, without a blink of the eye, "This is the Disney Room."
"Aaaahh, makes sense."
"The I Love Lucy Room is next door."
Pointing to my auburn ponytail I reply, "I think that room would have suited me better!"
He smiled and laughed.
DEAR god how can I not think about sex when a hottie Dr. with a cute ass is thrown in my FACE!
Totally adorable doctor man proceeded to play 50 questions. I gave one lame symptom, and he tried his damnedest to find out the root of this mysterious back pain...as he called it, while I insisted it was "lung" pain.
Well, it turns out he refused to diagnose me with some HORRIBLE lung related disease.
My medicine is to take 2 Alleve 2 times a day and to lose weight, as big breasts and fat guts tend to cause back pain.
I don't know if I agree with his diagnosis as the pain is more internal, and has never ONCE felt muscular.
I will give him the benefit of the doubt.
This time.
After all
Mickey and Minnie nodded in agreement as they were led back to the vault!
Hope and Love,
Soul Dancer
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2 comments:
Just remember that doctors, even cute, hot ones, are not God. Investigate. Pay attention to the pain the next time it hits. Don't self-label. I am minus a gall bladder because everyone told me I was having gall bladder attacks. After 4-5 ER visits and still no confirmed diagnosed, by the time the doctor would arrive, the attacks were over, my regular doctor sent me to a surgeon who removed my full of gall stones but still healthy gall bladder. In the 2 weeks after the surgery, I had 17 more of the painful attacks that apparently weren't gall bladder. I have a hiatal hernia. Guess what, I get to live with it. A chiropractor has shown me how to stop the attacks in minutes. The regular doctor wanted to put me on Nexium. I am off of Nexium at my insistance and haven't had an attack that I can't control in over a year. Doctors do a lot of guessing at what might be wrong.
Hi Patricia:
oh my god.....what a story. My plan is to write down exactly what I feel next time I feel it. I haven't felt it SINCE I went to the doctor.......typical!
Soul Dancer
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