Day 24...At Least the Burgers Were Good

I'm back -in DC. Back from 5 weeks in row of traveling.


Today was the unveiling. This woman. my grandma. I miss her. Her great grandchildren miss her.


I shared my eulogy that I read at her memorial with you yesterday. Today.........I saw her memory disrespected. I saw my mother crushed. I witnessed the opening scene of a Woody Allen movie. I can't take credit for that comparison......It was Linda (see Post 22).


SKIP OVER NEXT PARAGRAPH (if you don't want to hear a cougar slam a celebrity.....also might be good to skip for continuity of plot)


BREAK IN THE STORY - i hate to do this....but if possible, if you haven't already please Please PLEASE take the time to see Britney Spears' opening performance of her new single at the VMAs. OMG............a train wreck.
Notes to Britney ...........
Shave your underarms before performing
Try not to stumble.
A little energy goes a long way while dancing......
OH and one SHOULD at least attempt to mouth the words of the song they are lip syncing.

My claws are back in.......sorry i I shattered your illusions of me as a sweet wallflower!

If I were to imagine my family movie in my mind. I imagine it as epic. Francis Ford Coppola to direct. Opening scene..........a wedding. Mine. Part of Dana to be played by Scarlett Johanssen. My husband played by Richard Gere circa American Giggolo.


Our movie is epic and dramatic.

Our reality is much closed to Woody Allan. Linda is right. Comedy. Dysfunctional Eastern European Jewish family. A bit quirky, but family nonetheless.

We arrived at the cemetery and within minutes everyone was there except my brother Kirk. Grandpa appeared on edge and kept asking where he was. Upon Kirk's arrival, grandpa became impatient because the rabbi was late.

When finally the ceremony began, I was surprised by how upset I was. My grandmother and I fought a lot. It is because we are both bullheaded. I didn't get to the point that she stopped infuriating me. I still have guilt because I was never allowed the time to tell her how amazing I thought she was. She was a character.
She would put on a fake neck brace to get to the front of the line at Duffy Square to get us all tickets for a Broadway show. It was mortifying, but also genius.
She had this crazy cast of friends.....with crazier stories.
And all of these emotions came flooding back. Grandma and I were not at peace and so I have been left to make peace on my own.
And so as the rabbi spoke about her, I cried.
I looked around and all of us were crying.
One sweet thing I will point out is my nephew Kyle, while I was visibly upset reached over from his daddy's grasp to pat my back. I tell ya - PURE GENIUS!!!
When it was over, we adjourned to this family restaurant.
Grandpa looked frail.....he has been up late lately.

My grandpa met someone...............

He met her 6 weeks ago. He bought her an engagement ring last week.

In the MIDDLE of lunch, he received a phone call. It was her. She was also in town and the two were headed back upstate NY where they are living until the end of the month. He left half his grilled cheese, a lot of fries, and his ENTIRE family without a kiss or hug to go pick up his betrothed.

I am happy for him. I am. But we all were in shock. This was a day set aside to honor the memory of an amazing woman whom he was married to for 66 years. And he just walked out. It was surreal. Enter the Woody Allenesque quality......I expected him to walk in. I wanted my grandpa to come back.

Even my brother........who never has a bad word to say about anyone, when asked about grandpa's actions stated, "At least the burgers were good."

I hate that I was angry with him. I hate that a 90 year old man is acting like a child. I hate that he has shown us that it was my grandma, all these years that wanted to be with us. I hate that 66 years could be erased so easily. I am so guilty for being angry.

I know that all will be fine. I just hate when life is so one sided. When we are asked to accept and give what is not being given to us in return.

I feel my grandma was shamed yesterday. Of course, I will never say this to him. He will never hear anything but my words of support. I refuse to have another grandparent go with unsettled business.

I love him and I want his happiness. But I also want my grandma back. I want to her about the twins Dee and Pepsi and the stories about her INSANE friend Paula Wahka. I want her to be in version of my movie, at my wedding. I want her to see me as a mom. I just miss her..more than I knew. More than I know.

Hope and Love,

Soul Dancer