Day 24...At Least the Burgers Were Good

I'm back -in DC. Back from 5 weeks in row of traveling.


Today was the unveiling. This woman. my grandma. I miss her. Her great grandchildren miss her.


I shared my eulogy that I read at her memorial with you yesterday. Today.........I saw her memory disrespected. I saw my mother crushed. I witnessed the opening scene of a Woody Allen movie. I can't take credit for that comparison......It was Linda (see Post 22).


SKIP OVER NEXT PARAGRAPH (if you don't want to hear a cougar slam a celebrity.....also might be good to skip for continuity of plot)


BREAK IN THE STORY - i hate to do this....but if possible, if you haven't already please Please PLEASE take the time to see Britney Spears' opening performance of her new single at the VMAs. OMG............a train wreck.
Notes to Britney ...........
Shave your underarms before performing
Try not to stumble.
A little energy goes a long way while dancing......
OH and one SHOULD at least attempt to mouth the words of the song they are lip syncing.

My claws are back in.......sorry i I shattered your illusions of me as a sweet wallflower!

If I were to imagine my family movie in my mind. I imagine it as epic. Francis Ford Coppola to direct. Opening scene..........a wedding. Mine. Part of Dana to be played by Scarlett Johanssen. My husband played by Richard Gere circa American Giggolo.


Our movie is epic and dramatic.

Our reality is much closed to Woody Allan. Linda is right. Comedy. Dysfunctional Eastern European Jewish family. A bit quirky, but family nonetheless.

We arrived at the cemetery and within minutes everyone was there except my brother Kirk. Grandpa appeared on edge and kept asking where he was. Upon Kirk's arrival, grandpa became impatient because the rabbi was late.

When finally the ceremony began, I was surprised by how upset I was. My grandmother and I fought a lot. It is because we are both bullheaded. I didn't get to the point that she stopped infuriating me. I still have guilt because I was never allowed the time to tell her how amazing I thought she was. She was a character.
She would put on a fake neck brace to get to the front of the line at Duffy Square to get us all tickets for a Broadway show. It was mortifying, but also genius.
She had this crazy cast of friends.....with crazier stories.
And all of these emotions came flooding back. Grandma and I were not at peace and so I have been left to make peace on my own.
And so as the rabbi spoke about her, I cried.
I looked around and all of us were crying.
One sweet thing I will point out is my nephew Kyle, while I was visibly upset reached over from his daddy's grasp to pat my back. I tell ya - PURE GENIUS!!!
When it was over, we adjourned to this family restaurant.
Grandpa looked frail.....he has been up late lately.

My grandpa met someone...............

He met her 6 weeks ago. He bought her an engagement ring last week.

In the MIDDLE of lunch, he received a phone call. It was her. She was also in town and the two were headed back upstate NY where they are living until the end of the month. He left half his grilled cheese, a lot of fries, and his ENTIRE family without a kiss or hug to go pick up his betrothed.

I am happy for him. I am. But we all were in shock. This was a day set aside to honor the memory of an amazing woman whom he was married to for 66 years. And he just walked out. It was surreal. Enter the Woody Allenesque quality......I expected him to walk in. I wanted my grandpa to come back.

Even my brother........who never has a bad word to say about anyone, when asked about grandpa's actions stated, "At least the burgers were good."

I hate that I was angry with him. I hate that a 90 year old man is acting like a child. I hate that he has shown us that it was my grandma, all these years that wanted to be with us. I hate that 66 years could be erased so easily. I am so guilty for being angry.

I know that all will be fine. I just hate when life is so one sided. When we are asked to accept and give what is not being given to us in return.

I feel my grandma was shamed yesterday. Of course, I will never say this to him. He will never hear anything but my words of support. I refuse to have another grandparent go with unsettled business.

I love him and I want his happiness. But I also want my grandma back. I want to her about the twins Dee and Pepsi and the stories about her INSANE friend Paula Wahka. I want her to be in version of my movie, at my wedding. I want her to see me as a mom. I just miss her..more than I knew. More than I know.

Hope and Love,

Soul Dancer

Day 23...In Loving Memory

I am in New York this weekend(again) for my grandma's unveiling ceremony. An unveiling is a ceremony that dedicates a grave monument erected for someone who passed away twelves months earlier.

Today's post is the speech I gave at her memorial service, with some minor changes for anonymity's sake.

I was asked to speak about my grandma today.......


I would first like to share a few memories.............


My cousin and I playing in the bathtub with very sophisticated toys - a whisk and a spatula!


Laying in bed with her for hours chatting about movies we liked while she was scratching my back or "doing my feet". On a side note to that I also remember how my Uncle would always get in trouble by my Aunt for getting a foot rub during the holidays. Somehow he was successful in sneaking it in!


I can’t sugarcoat things completely though. She had her faults, and I know this because as I get older I realize I share a lot of them. I, like grandma am very opinionated and feel I have the right to open my mouth whenever I want! It certainly caused us to bicker, and those are the arguments I wish I could have with her for a few more years.


But I also remember her fierce generosity! Sometimes it could be a bit scary as she would LITERALLY offer you the shirt off her back, in public, and she wouldn’t be wearing anything underneath.

But it also came in amazing forms, like effortlessly helping her grandchildren when they needed it! And providing a place to stay or a vacation home to escape to whenever we wanted.

I think all of her 7 grandchildren have very unique and amazing memories! One cousin absolutely loved her meatballs.....well not really!!!
My brother and I were constantly putting on shows for her! A favorite was our rendition of Mr. Roboto.
Priceless!

One cousin lived with her during her early twenties!

My oldest brother and my grandparents were known for their political debates.

And recently with her great grandchildren...well they loved her dearly.

Every single holiday in both my mom’s and Aunt's house consisted of two tables the adult table and the kiddie table, and Grandma could care less about the adults. She loved to be near her great grandchildren and hear their cries of Gigi.

I wish my nephews would have been able to experience her more. I am sure they are missing out and we will have to share the stories.......I think grandma got energy from all of us and that is why she loved being around the "kids".

On a lighter note, and it wouldn’t be a proper eulogy without it, it is going to be a much milder, less stressful year for waitresses this snowbird season in the Boynton, Boca and Delray beach area restaurants.

I am sure her children, my mom and Uncle could share a dozen anecdotes about her, but I think the outspoken nature skipped a generation and you are stuck with me...........but there are a million stories mom has told me that have made me giggle and I will ask her to repeat them often!


Surrounding grandma her whole life as we know was the love of her life, my grandpa. They were married 66 years;it is amazing to think of that. It is more than twice my life so far. And we will never forget the sweet quiet way in which my grandma used to call his name! Their success in marriage is a lesson for us all.

I love you grandma. Thank you for being the matriarch of this family.



Hope and Love,
Soul Dancer