I have been having some trouble breathing. Every once in a while I get this sharp pain in the middle of my back when I inhale. It has happened to me for years, but of late it has happened more frequently.
Finding a doctor in Washington DC who practices internal medicine, and is WILLING to take on new patients is like finding the literal needle in the haystack.
Yesterday, after MANY phone calls to rude receptionists who practically hang up but instead bark back that they are at capacity, I found a doctor RIGHT around the corner from my office. And they had an opening today for 3:30.
I awoke this morning in MAJOR pain. Not any of this pain was with my breathing, or lungs (which was my diagnosis - convinced of lung cancer as I was a smoker of 15 years........WAS). I felt as if a chef at Benihana had come into my studio apt and sliced and diced every one of my ab muscles, as well as my lower back muscles.
WHY?
I went to the gym yesterday.
TWICE.
I stated on Monday that my mother agreed to pay for a trainer.
She lied.
well.............I am exaggerating
The gym I go to charges $70 an hour.....IF you pay for 36 sessions in advance.
Rightfully so, my mom quickly reneged the offer!
But like a good little Jew, I did manage to squeeze a Target trip for gym clothes, as well as a Sports Authority trip for those new CEMENT bras.....one DOESN'T want to sag....
But I was not going to let motivation lay to waste.
I would not have a trainer.
I WILL go to the gym.
During lunch, I walked to the gym with a work friend of mine to do some cardio. Strategically I placed myself behind him for two reasons:
1. I did not want him to see me.....I don't wear leopard leotards, but still this is Day one of a 30 pound, or rather 3-4 size decrease quest!
2. he has a ROCKING body and I was hoping he would at LEAST be wearing a sleeveless shirt while running. HE WAS! Thank you for the eye candy!!!!
I just did a small amount of working out and then headed back to work.
I then went to Pilates at 8:15. Pilates is a lot like floor work in modern dance. Very focused on "core work" - abs, back. Basically our centers become the inspiration for movement out through to the limbs.
I was a dancer.
I am a dancer still.
But an out of shape one.
The problem is, once my body is slightly warm, it tends to think it is back to its undergrad size 4 flexibility and strength.
It isn't.
Not by a long shot.
So here I am stretching....leg to head. belly over to knees.......which is EASIER when a bit heavier, less to go!
Feet stretched
Belly button to spine
Arms extended
Working as if I was once again a sophomore on winter break at the Martha Graham intensive
It felt good for the second half.
The first half was spent in a pity party hosted by me for me.
Luckily movement, arts, music can lift the soul even when our basest selves are trying to suck the life out of it.
I left my own party and joined the living.
I left the class exhilarated.
I woke up in pain.
But I digress.........
It is of course, good ol' Murphy's law that on the day of my visit to the doctor, I didn't feel the "lung pain" at all.
I went to my appt and LOVED the receptionists. Three wonderful men chatting me up.
Here's the thing
This isn't a regular doctor
OH NO
he also specializes in infectious diseases and hematology
AND................
he does BOTOX
yes I said BOTOX
now call me vain- but these "11" lines on my forehead, not so pretty.
It is certainly not something that I will do anytime soon, but one always feels better with a certified Botoxologist around the corner from work. My mother immediately asked, "How much?" Didn't say that it wasn't necessary (she makes me laugh so much, I love her!).
Then the doctor called me in
DEAR GOD is he CUTE......
I walk into this room
my jaws dropped open
he saw my response as I eyeballed about 15 stuffed Mickey and Minnie mice in the corner, 101 Dalmatians poster autographed by Cruella herself, and a plethora of other images from what I believe to be one of the biggest scam companies of the world. I love their movies, but where is the GOD DAMNED vault that the films go into after they are released for two week clips, sending children into frenzied panic attacks.
He says to me, without a blink of the eye, "This is the Disney Room."
"Aaaahh, makes sense."
"The I Love Lucy Room is next door."
Pointing to my auburn ponytail I reply, "I think that room would have suited me better!"
He smiled and laughed.
DEAR god how can I not think about sex when a hottie Dr. with a cute ass is thrown in my FACE!
Totally adorable doctor man proceeded to play 50 questions. I gave one lame symptom, and he tried his damnedest to find out the root of this mysterious back pain...as he called it, while I insisted it was "lung" pain.
Well, it turns out he refused to diagnose me with some HORRIBLE lung related disease.
My medicine is to take 2 Alleve 2 times a day and to lose weight, as big breasts and fat guts tend to cause back pain.
I don't know if I agree with his diagnosis as the pain is more internal, and has never ONCE felt muscular.
I will give him the benefit of the doubt.
This time.
After all
Mickey and Minnie nodded in agreement as they were led back to the vault!
Hope and Love,
Soul Dancer
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Day 19...Old habits die hard
Midway Inventory.
I have learned some things............
I have fixed a few of them
I am working on others
Failing at a few
Overall in a better place than where I first started.
I am writing this in the guest room of my parents' house in Long Island. Overall, the weekend has been amazing. Lots of nephew time, lots of of family time, and great food. FYI no sex. I think I will need to address this in another post!
AAAAHHHH the food. Pushing a size 14 amongst an immediate family which includes the following:
- A brother who works out 3 separate times a day, be it karate, tennis, weights, or other cardio, and who follows the Okinawan way of life (shutters when you call it a diet)......he is less than 5 % body fat
- A sister in law who is a size 4 - looks great and seems to like the same food as me, however CONTROLS herself and exercises!
- A friend who has absolutely become a thin yet vivacious bombshell
- The piece de resistance - a mom who is a size 2 petite with curves
Great right!
My mom doesn't realize the insensitivity behind her comments. And to her defense, she is just trying to make me happy. She knows I am not happy at this size. But she has this tendency to drop a comment in front of a lot of people that makes me feel like the turkey float at the Macy*s Thanksgiving day parade.
Bloated and there for ALL TO GAWK AT.
I know she doesn't mean to do this. And I try NOT to get upset. Because any of you not sporting the perfect body know the double edged sword here. We get upset because we feel fat. We eat because we are upset, which makes us fatter.
I commented on how amazing I thought Valerie Bertinelli looked. She looks great! My mom IMMEDIATELY offered to pay for Jenny Craig. I refused.
I then thought about it for a bit. If the woman is willing to pay $150 or whatever a week for frozen food that works, but that I know I will never eat, why not think of a way to use that offered money towards something that I might actually enjoy. That might help in a more long term sense.
I belong to a gym.
I never go.
I used to go a lot when I had a trainer.
SOOOO I asked her to pay for that instead.
I am looking into it when I get back to DC.
My weight will be a struggle forever. It is a cause of many of my most vicious and self loathing diatribes. I can't seem to get it together. And mom's unfailing willpower and resilience to remain thin and in shape only provides the perfect example of what I am not living up to.
I am trying NOT to flip. Am sitting here breathing. Calmly telling myself that the anger I am throwing in her direction is anger at MYSELF.
Positive Action:
I am walking to Gold's Gym tomorrow and asking to sit down and work out the cost of a physical trainer three times a week. I am going to use this incredible financial gift she is providing and put her money where my mouth is. Anything is better to put there in lieu of food!
It is too easy for me to get angry with her. Still, after all these years, old habits die hard.
Habits like......
yelling at her
EATING TOO MUCH
transferring my frustrations on to her
EATING TOO MUCH
blaming her for making me care about the way I look
EATING TOO MUCH
Sensing a pattern..............I am thinking life is a series of two steps forward, and one 1/2 half back (yes I am conjuring images of Paula Abdul and a cartoon cat right now!).
Hope and Love,
Soul Dancer
I have learned some things............
I have fixed a few of them
I am working on others
Failing at a few
Overall in a better place than where I first started.
I am writing this in the guest room of my parents' house in Long Island. Overall, the weekend has been amazing. Lots of nephew time, lots of of family time, and great food. FYI no sex. I think I will need to address this in another post!
AAAAHHHH the food. Pushing a size 14 amongst an immediate family which includes the following:
- A brother who works out 3 separate times a day, be it karate, tennis, weights, or other cardio, and who follows the Okinawan way of life (shutters when you call it a diet)......he is less than 5 % body fat
- A sister in law who is a size 4 - looks great and seems to like the same food as me, however CONTROLS herself and exercises!
- A friend who has absolutely become a thin yet vivacious bombshell
- The piece de resistance - a mom who is a size 2 petite with curves
Great right!
My mom doesn't realize the insensitivity behind her comments. And to her defense, she is just trying to make me happy. She knows I am not happy at this size. But she has this tendency to drop a comment in front of a lot of people that makes me feel like the turkey float at the Macy*s Thanksgiving day parade.
Bloated and there for ALL TO GAWK AT.
I know she doesn't mean to do this. And I try NOT to get upset. Because any of you not sporting the perfect body know the double edged sword here. We get upset because we feel fat. We eat because we are upset, which makes us fatter.
I commented on how amazing I thought Valerie Bertinelli looked. She looks great! My mom IMMEDIATELY offered to pay for Jenny Craig. I refused.
I then thought about it for a bit. If the woman is willing to pay $150 or whatever a week for frozen food that works, but that I know I will never eat, why not think of a way to use that offered money towards something that I might actually enjoy. That might help in a more long term sense.
I belong to a gym.
I never go.
I used to go a lot when I had a trainer.
SOOOO I asked her to pay for that instead.
I am looking into it when I get back to DC.
My weight will be a struggle forever. It is a cause of many of my most vicious and self loathing diatribes. I can't seem to get it together. And mom's unfailing willpower and resilience to remain thin and in shape only provides the perfect example of what I am not living up to.
I am trying NOT to flip. Am sitting here breathing. Calmly telling myself that the anger I am throwing in her direction is anger at MYSELF.
Positive Action:
I am walking to Gold's Gym tomorrow and asking to sit down and work out the cost of a physical trainer three times a week. I am going to use this incredible financial gift she is providing and put her money where my mouth is. Anything is better to put there in lieu of food!
It is too easy for me to get angry with her. Still, after all these years, old habits die hard.
Habits like......
yelling at her
EATING TOO MUCH
transferring my frustrations on to her
EATING TOO MUCH
blaming her for making me care about the way I look
EATING TOO MUCH
Sensing a pattern..............I am thinking life is a series of two steps forward, and one 1/2 half back (yes I am conjuring images of Paula Abdul and a cartoon cat right now!).
Hope and Love,
Soul Dancer
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